Beach days and the end of summer

It's 30 degrees today. Supposedly, it also feels like 40 degrees with the humidity.

I wouldn't know.

I am stuck in an office, with air conditioning.

Let's talk about air conditioning. My office is so cold between the cold air and the draft that flows through this room, I wear long pants and long sleeves on a regular basis to keep the goose bumps away. Long pants and sleeves - in August - on one of the hottest days of the year. Where is the fairness in this?

Do you remember being in elementary school, and begging the teacher to do a lesson outside on a beautiful June day? Why can't I move my computer and greet people in the parking lot? Why can't we put up a sign on the front door that says "Gone fishing. See you next cold and rainy day." ?

Today I envy:

• Stay at home moms
• People on vacation
• Retired seniors
• the Unemployed
• Anyone waiting to go back to school (at least they have two or three more days of blissful summer freedom!)

Today, I do not want to hear about winter sports or activities. I do not want to hear that it is too warm. I do not want to talk about Halloween or Christmas. I just wish I was with my family, who are currently swimming and playing in the sand at the beach.

You know what my favorite beach activity is? Ice cream. Eating ice cream. Preferably of the kid-flavored variety, like cotton candy, or moon mist.

Right now I am going to close my eyes, pretend I am taking pictures of my kid playing in the sand and my husband playing in the surf, while scarfing down an ice cream, and forget that I have my sleeves in my winter parka.

Four months remaining in the wait for Nathan Michael

Ok, so of course I am writing with my tail between my legs. After months of talking smack about not wanting a little boy, I am here to say - I am pregnant with a little boy.
I've discovered about myself that I am not a very brave person. I don't like to try new things. I hate moving, or even moving my furniture around, and I am not fond of trying new food. So I guess the thought of having a little boy was way outside of my comfort zone.

But now that I know, I'm finding myself starting to get excited. I picked out a color scheme for the bedroom, and my husband and I have started to clean out and purge in our house - from our basement and from the playroom. We sorted all of Hailey's old clothing, keeping a few very great memories in case my sister has a little girl. We are giving away the rest. We have a lot of work to do to get the house ready for Nathan's arrival, but we still have four months to go. Once Hailey starts preschool next week, my husband will have a lot more time to get painting and organizing.

I have to say it is nice to know and be able to plan. We didn't know what gender Hailey was going to be. The cool part is that I found some sleepers and onesies that were gender neutral that had been Hailey's, plus a couple of outfits that Hubby bought that were very boy-ish, that still had the tags on them! But this process seems much simpler than not knowing and being surprised. We would have preferred to know with Hailey, but we just couldn't afford the 3D ultrasound when we were pregnant with her, and in both Moncton and Halifax, they don't tell you the gender during your routine ultrasound.

So with plans for a blue and brown room, and plan for our playroom in the basement, we are off to get organized.

Four hours to go - oh so impatient

I have an appointment at UC Baby in four hours. At this appointment, I will find out if there is a little girl growing in my belly, or a little boy. I know, this should be inconsequential; I should be happy to have a healthy baby, no matter what gender it is. In real life, I can't control my craving for another little girl. I love little girls. I love their clothes and their toys and their TV shows. Boys, I am not as fond of. I mean, I love all the little boys in my life, but they are rough and tough, busy and daring. All the things my little princess is not!

Let's add to the mix my housing situation. We have a three bedroom home with a finished basement. Two of the upstairs rooms are Hailey's, one is her bedroom done up in a Disney Princess theme, the other is her playroom, with a cushion floor and pink and purple walls. There is every little girl toy you can imagine in there - a barbie house, dolls, ponies and littlest pet shops. My husband wants the kids to have separate rooms no matter what the gender of the baby is, and move the play room downstairs. I would like to keep the playroom where it is and eventually get bunkbeds for the kids.

I took all the boxes of baby things out of our storage room on the weekend, and looked through all the things that I had saved. I took a little walk down memory lane looking through the baby clothes - all the little pink dresses and sleepers. I didn't save much - I had many friends and family with little girls who were gifted the clothes - but I did save the things that were special, that were given by special people, or that just looked adorable on my little girl. If I find out it's a little boy today, I'll likely give most of those things away. This is definitely the last child for us!

I find it humorous when people assume that my husband and I are hoping for a little boy "to make our family complete". Why do we think that every parent wants two kids, one of each gender? I had a friend that was driven nuts by this; she had two little girls and they were pregnant with another child. Every single person was talking about how great it would be if it was a boy. My friend was so exasperated, saying she would be perfectly happy with either gender.

It feels normal to me to have two kids of the same gender. It's always been just my sister and I. My parents never expressed disappointment over not having boys. In fact, my dad's brothers and sisters each had one or the other - two boys or two girls.

At the end of the day, I think you make the most of your life and the blessings that are given to you, no matter what those blessings are. Despite my ranting today (and for the last 20 weeks or so!) I will be excited to get started on planning for my unborn - no matter if I am painting a room blue or picking out bunk beds.

Food

My eating habits are terrible. I can blame it on the pregnancy until the cows come home, but let's be real here people, that has nothing to do with it. I am a bored eater - when I left my job last year, I lost 20 pounds in 2 months just by not being at work. Now I am working a job where I don't have a lot of tasks during the day, I am missing my family, used to seeing them all day until two months ago, and eating everything I can get my little paws on. And none of it is healthy food. In fact, the mere thought of water or vegetables makes me ill at the moment. During my first pregnancy, I gained 40 pounds, and 20 of those pounds stuck there for three and a half years. I swore that wouldn't happen this time, but I'm not doing so good so far. I've put on 10 and I am only at 20 weeks! Today I had left over chinese food for lunch, a peanut butter cookie, two blueberry muffins, some chips, some chocolate covered almonds, and apple juice. And I am going to a concert tonight, where you know I'll be getting some junk food. Not to mention that I will have to rush through supper. And I sit at my job all day, so you know that the junk is sticking to my butt.

To add insult to injury, I was pregnant again within two weeks of getting the very last two pounds off, after trying for more than three years.

Help has arrived

My husband works away and he arrived home last night. Relief! I don't know how single parents do it. I really don't. My husband does a 3 week away/3 week home shift, so for 21 days I get to live that life. I am so lucky to have the support system that I have in my family. But it is hard to get ready in the morning, get your kid ready, feed and take care of your puppy, and still make it on time. I've discovered that I can actually am a fairly organized person, which helps. But having hubby home to help in the morning, run some of the errands and take care of some of the household is a huge help. I can't imagine not getting a break every three weeks.

Imagine having two kids and a dog, and being all alone in a city with no help! Just thinking about it makes my back hurt. So I applaud all those single moms and dads out there who get it done day after day without any help. You're my hero and inspiration, and you keep my whining in check. And who can forget those whose significant others are in the military - with 6 month deployments! Power to you for staying strong for your family and keeping things going.

The absence of a parent can be very hard on a child. Mine is having a harder time handling Daddy's comings and going as she ages. Every part of her system is impacted - her sleeping and eating patterns, her moods, and her behavior. Last night on the way home from the airport she said "I want Daddy to stay home for good." I've explained to her a number of times the reason Daddy has to work away, to keep a roof over our heads, clothes on our backs and food in our belly, but Hailey sure misses her Dad when he's gone. She opted to skip the sitter and stay home with him today (he was a real trooper about this - he just got off night shift) and I hope they are having a wonderful, restful time together.

Princess Hailey

Found this little gem on facebook today during my morning creep session. Hailey's BFF Ava had a princess party in June and all the little girls wore their costumes. Me and Ava's mom and aunt spent the entire morning decorating the livingroom and diningroom to look like every princesses' dream castle - stars and balloons hanging from the ceiling, pink tulle in the door ways. It was a great day.

Naps

No, we aren't talking about naps for infants or toddlers or preschoolers today.

We are talking about naps for me. I am solely writing this blog today to keep from falling asleep at work. Afternoon naps are so lovely, I do not understand why they are not a regular part of our life. Picture it - you get up in the morning, shower, dress, eat and go to work. You get off at noon, eat lunch, go for a walk. Then you hit the sack. At 3, you are expected back at work for two hours. Imagine how productive those hours would be! You'd likely get more accomplished with a lucid mind after a great nap than you even could with sloggy afternoon brain.

That is the one huge thing I am looking forward to in the Spring. Afternoon naps. My four year old would love to take naps again. And the baby will just have to get with the program. 1pm to 3pm will be designated mommy nap time.

I feel like I just ate three helpings of turkey dinner. Being pregnant is hard on the sleep patterns. I ate my lunch, which I barely have room for in this enlarging belly of mine, and now I feel so drowsy my eyes are threatening to shut as I type. If you want to call having to delete and retry each word typing. It's a good thing I am not a surgeon.

The value of a dollar

As my dad would say (about me, really) my little girl wakes up with the gimmies and goes to bed with the i-wants. And her pushover parents have been indulging this attitude for a while. We noticed the extent that our sweet little princess has become a super DIVA on her birthday a couple of weeks ago. Everything went fine at her birthday parties (one for friends and one for family), she was kind to her guests, appreciative of her gifts, and all around well-behaved. But because my husband works away from home, we had both of those parties two weeks before her actual birthday. My husband and I discussed gifts for her and said we weren't going to get her anything on her actual birthday, because we did so much for her parties, and she got so many presents. Well, of course mommy couldn't stick to the plan. I worked on her birthday so I had my sitter bring Hailey to meet me for lunch. My mom and sister both decided to join us. Hailey was horrible that day. When she saw my family walk in with gift bags, she demanded her presents. When they were clothes, she gave them zero attention. She demanded her piece of cake from the waitress and wouldn't eat her lunch. After work, I took her to my aunts for supper and it was a similar display, a cranky, whiny kid who wanted everything and wouldn't take no for an answer.

I've created a monster.

Since then, Hailey has gotten no new toys or gifts from me. I bought a shining star stuffy for her cousin the other day, and she begged for it. I told her if she got some money from somewhere, she could buy one for herself. She seemed to feel good about this, and had no issue handing the toy over to her little cousin when we went to visit.

Yesterday morning she got a belated birthday card in the mail from a great-grandmother, and there was some money in it. She asked right away if I could take the money and buy the shining star stuffy that she wanted. I did, and she hasn't put the toy down since. It seems the old adage that if you "work" for it you'll appreciate it more works even for 4 year olds!

Solitude

Don't get me wrong, I love my husband, my daughter, my puppy, my friends and all my family. But there is something to be said for fitting in some alone time every now and then. My ideal 24 hours at this point includes pyjamas, a soft blanket, a great book and some tv on dvd. I was able to steal two hours with just me and the puppy last night, thanks to my mom and sister. I couldn't avoid the housework all together, so I cleaned up the kitchen and settled in to watch a couple of episodes of the Tudors.

I miss adult television. Hailey and I watch television together some evenings, but at four, she can't handle anything more grown up than the Disney channel. Now I enjoy a good Hannah Montana or Wizards of Waverly place episode as much as the next mom, but every once in a while I get a little hankering for some real drama. The Tudors delivers in spades with sex, war, and beheadings! I am always hearing about the great summer television, with the Bachelor, Big Brother and True Blood, but I am just too tired in the evenings to stay up later than my daughter. Thank goodness for DVR. Eventually, when I get my 24 hours of solitude, I will have plenty of TV to choose from.

Marriage and babies

My daughter and I were getting ready for work/sitters in the morning yesterday and I was telling her that we were going to visit her aunt, uncle and cousin in the evening because they were in town (they live in another province). She stops brushing her teeth, leans over to spit, and says "Mommy, why are Uncle * and Aunt * not married, but they have {cousin}?

Now, I never intentionally gave Hailey the impression that first comes love, then come marriage, then comes baby, but now that I think about our talks on the matter, we always tell her "when you grow up, getting married and have a baby." We never say "have a baby and get married". It's always in the order that our parents and grandparents prefered to stick to.

I had to bite my tongue and tell Hailey that this is not always the order in which these things happen. I didn't expect such a question, since although I've never come out and said "Daddy and I got pregnant before we were married" we have pointed out that she is "looking through my belly button" at our wedding.

I had to upload this picture. It is from two weekends ago at our family cottage on the North Shore. My daughter and my puppy have a real love-hate relationship, depending on what kind of mood she is in and how much energy he has. It was nice to see them getting along in the water - even though he likely shouldn't have been eating the sea grass she was feeding him. He absolutely adored the cottage - running along the sandbars when the tide was out, and chasing sticks into the water when the tide was high. She loved it there are well, she swam at high tide and built sand castles at low tide. It was a memorable weekend.

Not enough time in a day, or week, or month

It seems like I rarely spend anytime at home anymore. I get up at 6 and rush around to be out the door by 7:30 - not an easy feat with a 4 year old and a 7 month old puppy. I rarely get back to the house before 6:30, and it seems like I always have somewhere else to rush off to! There aren't any appointments or plans for tonight, so the plan is to get organized. We've been away for the past two weekends, so the housework has been neglected, everything that was packed to go away is now home and needs putting away, and every room needs tidying.
I only went back to work two months ago, and I still remember how lovely it was to rest in the mornings (not sleep - there is no sleep with a whining puppy), have enough hours in my day to get all my chores done and still spend quality time with my daughter and doggy. Now it seems like I am so exhausted from my work day and the struggle to get to and fro, I don't have the energy to play barbies or walk the dog. Being 5 months pregnant isn't really helping matters!
Here's hoping there are no emergencies tonight, and I get us back on track. What a difference it makes when everything is clean and in it's place, and it is easy to find what you are looking for as you go running out the door!